PRESCHOOL

i'm just sitting here waiting for olivia to wake up. i have not written in a while because i don't want to write all the bad things that are going on in my life. actually i don't have it in me to write when i am upset because of the things that i would say. i still have not heard anything else on me getting into the dental program. i was hoping to start classes this month but it does not look like that is going to happen. so i guess that is it for now with that.
the other day i took olivia to registure for preschool. i didn't want her to go to school until she was 4 years old. but i don't have the greatest learning enviornment for her to learn in and grow at the moment. it's too cold for our daily walks since it's the winter. and all she does is watch too much t.v. i feel like a horrible parent because all she wants to do is play and be active. but with everything that is going on with donny taking the car everyday and driving kids back and forth to school is getting old really quick. lets see it's february and he started in september which equals out to be five months. i am lost for words at the moment. and nothing changes everyday. i think it's affecting olivia and she is the most important person in this whole situation. and she is not getting a great upbringing with her schedule. all she does is watch t.v. all day and doesn't get to play. and that's why i quite my job was for her not to sit in a daycare all day doing nothing. so i have been looking into going back to work which is why i think it's time for preschool. she can be with other children her age, have the chance to be active, and learn at the same time. she is a very smart child and from day one too. she is already potty trained, she knows the alaphabet, and she can count. if i tell her something once she remembers it. so i know i am not a very good parent making her stay in a small apartment everyday all day watching t.v. that is my life at the moment. i am not going to mention anything about my other half because it's not neccessary at this point. all i can say now is that i have to make a change for the better for olivia.
okay back to preschool...i signed her up to go to preschool where my sister works. i went to my sister's classroom and the children were drawing pictures so she invited olivia to join in on the fun. she really thought she was in school. after that she joined the children in going to the gym. she had a blast running around, going down the slide, and playing basketball. it tore me up inside to see her having so much fun when i knew she would have to stay in all day the next day. that is no life at all for a two year old. she asked me today when she was going back to school. all she talks about is going to school. she can't go to school until the fall. i am going back to work to fix my situation. i feel that if i don't i am going to wake up 5 years from now in hell. i want to be the person i was three years ago. i want to be the positive thriving person that never walked around depressed and mad as hell. i am done waiting and waiting for change that never will happen until i change it.