valentines day

it was really sweet, yesterday while olivia was taking her nap donny surprised me. we were sitting on the couch and i was half asleep watching t.v. while he was on the computer. he warmed up the car and told me that i could go get my nails done. i thought that was really sweet because i was not expecting anything. i was just enjoying our little quiet time together. i told him that i like being treated like a princess. i like it when he makes me feel like i am number one. i am a big brat and he always gives me everything that i want. so he is getting a new phone for valentines day because i kind of ruined his other one. because he let me use his phone on the way to my moms. and i forgot to give it back to him and left it on my lap. i forgot it was there and when i got out of the car it hit the snow and didn't make any noise. we were dropping olivia off for a couple of hours because it was donny's birthday. well later that night he asked me where his phone was. i called my parents to see if i left it over their house and my dad told me that he found it in the driveway and marvin and ang ran it over when they left my parents. so i drive over to get the phone and the phone protector was totally smashed but the phone was working. i gave it to donny and he told me that the phone was off track which really sucks because i kind of eat up phones. and i was hoping that is was okay so i wouldn't have to hear donny talk about my little problem. i think i went through 3 phones last year. it's because i have to get olivia out of the car, i have to grab the diaper bag, and i have to get my purse. it always seems like i have so much to carry and then i am very forgetful. i just need to get a really big purse to put a change of clothes for olivia in case she has an accident. since she is potty trained i don't need a diaper bag anymore...i hate that thing. i want a really big coach bad. i have always been the type of mother that didn't want to strut around with a big stupid bag that had bears or clowns on it. i want to look normal as possible and not look like a frumpy poo. it's so easy to get into that life style being a mother. well that's it for now. i just want to write about donny being a sweetheart.

PRESCHOOL

i'm just sitting here waiting for olivia to wake up. i have not written in a while because i don't want to write all the bad things that are going on in my life. actually i don't have it in me to write when i am upset because of the things that i would say. i still have not heard anything else on me getting into the dental program. i was hoping to start classes this month but it does not look like that is going to happen. so i guess that is it for now with that.
the other day i took olivia to registure for preschool. i didn't want her to go to school until she was 4 years old. but i don't have the greatest learning enviornment for her to learn in and grow at the moment. it's too cold for our daily walks since it's the winter. and all she does is watch too much t.v. i feel like a horrible parent because all she wants to do is play and be active. but with everything that is going on with donny taking the car everyday and driving kids back and forth to school is getting old really quick. lets see it's february and he started in september which equals out to be five months. i am lost for words at the moment. and nothing changes everyday. i think it's affecting olivia and she is the most important person in this whole situation. and she is not getting a great upbringing with her schedule. all she does is watch t.v. all day and doesn't get to play. and that's why i quite my job was for her not to sit in a daycare all day doing nothing. so i have been looking into going back to work which is why i think it's time for preschool. she can be with other children her age, have the chance to be active, and learn at the same time. she is a very smart child and from day one too. she is already potty trained, she knows the alaphabet, and she can count. if i tell her something once she remembers it. so i know i am not a very good parent making her stay in a small apartment everyday all day watching t.v. that is my life at the moment. i am not going to mention anything about my other half because it's not neccessary at this point. all i can say now is that i have to make a change for the better for olivia.
okay back to preschool...i signed her up to go to preschool where my sister works. i went to my sister's classroom and the children were drawing pictures so she invited olivia to join in on the fun. she really thought she was in school. after that she joined the children in going to the gym. she had a blast running around, going down the slide, and playing basketball. it tore me up inside to see her having so much fun when i knew she would have to stay in all day the next day. that is no life at all for a two year old. she asked me today when she was going back to school. all she talks about is going to school. she can't go to school until the fall. i am going back to work to fix my situation. i feel that if i don't i am going to wake up 5 years from now in hell. i want to be the person i was three years ago. i want to be the positive thriving person that never walked around depressed and mad as hell. i am done waiting and waiting for change that never will happen until i change it.